It's My Life...

It's my life. We've all said it at one point. We've probably jammed along with Bon Jovi, Blondie, or No Doubt while they sang songs directly about it. We've uttered the phrase in times of happiness, sorrow, guilt, anger, and relief. We've said and heard it so often that it seems that it has lost its meaning and the weight it should carry.

When was the last time that you truly considered what you were saying? If you are anything like me, I would guess that the answer would be not very recently; if at all. I began to consider this statement and the ramifications that it has. By saying this, I am essentially claiming to have control of a state of being that we actually have little idea of how to control. No matter how much control we believe that we have over our lives, there is always some event that occurs that we did not anticipate. Some obstacle that jumps in the way, just as we think we've gotten everything figured out.

Due to this lack of predictability and understanding, how can we say that we have ownership or possession of this abstract state of being? It's kind of like pointing at some water flowing in a stream and saying that you have control over it. If I made claims such as that, it would not take long before someone called me out as a fool. How could I hope to control water as it is affected by its natural surroundings? The surroundings that cause it to take on energy and create waves, disappear through evaporation, return as condensation, freeze in place, flow freely, return to the earth, or drift off into the atmosphere.

Likewise, how could I claim to have any significant amount of control over something that can change completely from one breath to the next? Interestingly enough, the same natural surroundings that affect water's state of being also similarly affect our lives and how we live them. They can stagnate, flow freely, return to the earth or atmosphere, experience the seeming finality of death, only to be reborn with increased strength into a different experience. This life is easily influenced and quickly altered, can I really fathom attempting to claim that I understand it's ways enough to control it?

However, as I am writing this, it occurs to me that maybe I am looking at this from the wrong angle. Perhaps it is not that we are actually declaring our control of our lives themselves. Instead, maybe we are using this statements as an attempt to justify our actions and the ways in which we exercise our freewill. This seemingly makes sense on the surface. Why shouldn't we be able to do what we want, using the methods that we want? Shouldn't we be able to make our choices independent from the judgment of others?

I believe that we should be able to make our decisions without being judged. However, we should be able to observe others' decisions without passing judgment upon them. Often times, I think that we emphasize the first part of this but easily forget about the second part. However, as you can see, the first and the second statements need to be fulfilled by others and ourselves in order for either to become reality.

This ties into the ideal that we should love our neighbor as we love ourselves, which implies that we have to both love our neighbor and love ourselves in order for this ideal to become a reality. We need to recognize the Spirit that resides within others and treat them as if we are interacting with someone who shares the deepest and truest connection with us that we could ever imagine. By recognizing the God that is within ourselves and others, our purpose in the lives that we claim as our own, not only becomes clear and unique, but also less separate from the other lives that surround us.

Acting upon this knowledge can teach us that although we have different gifts to share with others in this world, our general purpose is to help one another and celebrate in the divine that we recognize in others. Perhaps if I begin to live more attune to my purpose in life, it will spread and others will share this awareness. Perhaps we will focus less on what is best for us individually, and instead what it best for the world as a whole.

Maybe if we live with this in mind, we can discover our true selves and move beyond ourselves. Hopefully we can move to be more love-centered, rather than self-centered. Rather than defiantly stating "It's my life, I can do what I want" we can instead peacefully reflect by saying "It's my life, how can I use it to make a lasting difference on the lives of others?"

It's our life. Let's make sure we don't waste it.

Moderation

Over the past year or so I have moved from being faithless, cynical, and doubtful to faithful, hopeful, and questioning. It had been quite a long time since I was certain of anything even remotely associated with faith. There were ups and downs in my life within that time of faithlessness. In that time, whenever I was at the bottom of the hill I felt stranded there and when I happened upon the top of a hill I was pessimistic about the future, because a high always was followed by a low in my way of thinking. During this time I perceived all of the love I received as conditional, all of the hope as foolishness, and the world itself as being ruled by a dog eat dog mentality.

I was lost and I knew it. I knew that there was more to life than bleeding the hourglass. I knew that somehow, someway, I was meant to do more than supply someone else's demand. I felt like the opening lines of The Script's 'Breakeven' more than I would have cared to admit. Still alive but I'm barely breathing. Praying to a God that I don't believe in. I knew that there was some truth to what I was brought up believing in a twisted version of Christian doctrine. Even though I knew this, how was I ever going to separate the true message from the words of men that were tainted by a desire to have control and a monopoly on truth?

Slowly I realized that just because I wanted to accept God, didn't automatically chain me to the doctrine I was raised to believe. However, as I began to build my own understanding of faith and a relationship with the Spirit, I found myself falling back on my attributions of conditional love to God. I should have known that the spirit holds love that is unconditional. Luckily, I caught myself, corrected my balance, and started moving forward again.

I struggled with the conflict between my previous judgmental ideas and my current ideas of acceptance. I was arguing a futile debate, where the facts seemed to weigh evenly on both sides. In my heart I questioned the religious teachings that some behaviors are inherently bad and should be avoided. On the other hand, I was not sure if there was Truth that surpassed the answers that I had begun to pursue, which would ultimately leave my questions unanswered. I wondered if there were actual lines distinguishing moral actions from immoral ones or if generations before us had taken advantage of the blurred lines to exercise control? Were any of these seemingly trivial "taboo behaviors" really all that important to forming relationships with others, and by design with God?

During the course of this internal conflict, a voice from my past about something seemingly unrelated entered my thoughts:

Everything in moderation, that's all it really takes.

The words were originally my Uncle's advice on how to become healthier and lose weight. Although he was referring to only eating one piece of cake instead of three, the words themselves found me and seemed to be a near perfect fit for my dilemma.

[On a side note, I say near perfect because I realize that there is true morality that lies within all of us. I don't believe that behaviors and crimes such as murder, theft, deception, and others in the same vein can be solved by this mantra. I believe that these types of behaviors can be guided by the golden rule of loving one's neighbor as oneself. It is the 'gray area' behaviors that aren't easily governed by this rule that I am interested in. The behaviors that have been black listed over time to be looked upon with shame and judgment that this moderation mantra truly applies to.]

Using this new frame of mind, I began to alter my thoughts about certain behaviors that have negative connotations and that many religions tell us to avoid. These behaviors include the immediate tabooed behaviors that come to mind, such as drinking alcohol, doing drugs, premarital sex, shopping for wants rather than needs, gambling, swearing, et cetera to the less thought of behaviors that are motivated by vanity, pride, self-interest, et cetera.

Each of these behaviors has the potential power to get us into trouble if we don't pay attention. However, I believe that we can actively engage in them with a conscious effort to maintain or even strengthen our relationship with God. Each of these behaviors, as well as many more, have previously been perceived as distancing actions from God, but I don't buy it. As long as we don't let these behaviors cloud our hearts and our perceptions of our purpose in life, we will be fine.

It seems as though the alternative that I was raised to believe as truth (avoiding the behavior at all costs and judging those who engage in them), no longer holds much water. I now believe that we miss the point when we concern ourselves with whether what someone else is doing is condemning them or not. By participating in these behaviors with a conscious effort on moderation, we will be able to find our own personal balance. This balance will allow us to see what we need to do while engaging in these behaviors to strengthen the relationship we have with others and God.

This mantra may seem somewhat abstract, so to clarify I have thought of certain examples that can apply to everyday life. These aren't groundbreaking, they are just simple ways that we can utilize this mantra in everyday life:

For example, when a person does drugs they should do so with the intent of expanding their spiritual relationship with themselves and others, rather than using it as a pure escape from the problems in reality.

Similarly, when a person drinks alcohol, rather than using it to numb pain or drown sorrows, we can seek to build relationships with others and reframe the experience as one that can broaden our life experience.

When engaging in sex, whether it is premarital or not, we should be focused on knowing and celebrating the person on a different level than we already do, rather than being driven by lust and focusing only on the act itself.

When gambling, if we do by chance win, let our thoughts be driven by a desire to help those in need as well as fulfilling our own needs.

When shopping for our wants rather than our needs, for every outfit that we buy we could give two that we already have away.

The list can go on and on and is specific to each individual. Only we can determine what the right balance is for ourselves at different points throughout our lives.

Although this moderation mantra may not hold true for every behavior that people engage in, I believe that moderation is a decent guideline to follow when our body, mind, or soul is conflicted about a certain behavior. In my experience, I have found the balance to be a tricky one to maintain, but with time I have learned to catch myself. When I feel I am letting a behavior or emotion cloud my ability to truly love and serve others, I am able to step back and reevaluate.

We all create our own dance to navigate through this life, but we are not left to fend for ourselves. If we truly listen, this dance can be guided by the steady beat of our own hearts and the beautiful song of our souls.