Technologically Unsound

I have a cell phone which allows me to keep in touch with friends, family members, classmates, extended family, mentors, mentees, the old, the young, people I'm close with as well as with people I'm not. I can call them for a long conversation to try and grasp a little closer to how it would feel to be with them at that point in time or I can text them some information that doesn't warrant a phone call.

I have two email accounts, one that keeps me up to date with the latest spam, newsletters, special limited offers, and other information that I could really care less about. The other account provides me with some of the same useless information (but on a lesser scale), information from the various school programs and majors I am involved in, gives me pertinent information about my life at college, and keeps me in touch with people that I hold dear.

I have a facebook page in which I have hundreds of friends from both past and present, family members, acquaintances, as well as a few people I have never met or talked to in real life (and probably never will). This facebook account allows me to keep in touch with people without actually talking to them or by just posting an "I miss you" or a quote from a good time we had way back in the past. This account is basically a quick way of exchanging information about our current life, whether that be a status update with "mmm....coffee" or "fml...my life is over because of this French class" or a new set of pictures that help us remember our nights or to commemorate the birth of a new child...the list goes on and on.

I have a webcam and Skype that allows me to get one step closer to interacting with someone who is geographically distanced from me. Now I can see and hear the person that I am talking with and it is as close as we can get for the time being....

I also have a blog (as you all know, but may have thought I forgot that I had) which gives me a place to put some thoughts that I have about life in general. Not many people know about my blog, but I am grateful that some people care to read it whether anonymously or in the form of a follower.

With all of these various forms of technological forms of communication, one would expect that I would be pretty well up to date with people and a loss of contact with someone could be blamed on a technology malfunction. However, I often feel like very little of this technology has helped my life in significant ways. Sure, I am able to keep in pretty close contact with those that I choose to text or call on a regular basis. But I have found that when people only are present in my life through a facebook page, or a text message, or an email, I lose track of them. To clarify, when there is no other contact than an occasional message every now and then, it seems like I lose track of their lives and in the same vein, they lose track of mine.

I have a brother across the world in Oxford. I have a friend working in New Mexico. I have a friend going to school in Chicago. I have a friend going to school in Pittsburg. I have a girlfriend near Rochester. I have a friend moving to Kansas City. I have a friend moving to Tennessee. I have a friend moving to Ireland and one moving to London. I have friends that are around the state in Fredonia, Buffalo, Oneonta, Orange County, Syracuse, Binghamton, et cetera. I have family out in Western New York, in Texas, in Ohio, and North Carolina. I have friends who live two dorms away, two floors away, and a state away.

All of these people spread around the globe, and technology helps me keep in touch with them but also makes me feel guilty when I don't. I guess we all just get caught up in our lives now and have a difficult time imagining that others are living their lives without us there. They are surviving just fine without my physical presence and I am doing the same. Although there may be an ache in my heart or a thirst in my soul that is only quenched when they are near, I am physically okay and emotionally stable without their physical presence.

Although technology helps soothe this ache at times, I feel that it always leaves me wanting more. More conversation, more information, more feeling, more thought more interaction...just more. Something is missing from these artificial forms of communication. When we attempt to fill the void that we feel inside ourselves with this technology, we are about as successful as a child trying to fill a hole in the sand with water.

We have simplified communication with all of these technological advances. We have turned what used to be very interpersonal and moving into an artificial exchange of information that stagnates all forms of personal contact. As a close friend told me, "I think that all of these technological advances in communication are just more developed forms of noise." I agree with him on this because this noise interferes with how I perceive people and our relationships.

With these 'advances' I can no longer see people face to face, see the body language and microexpressions they give off, hear the real laughter, see their quirks, hear their heart or breath, and feel their soul rise as a conversation touches on issues which they are passionate about. With these 'advances' some part of the connection has been interrupted. Some piece of information has been lost. It's like putting together a puzzle and realizing you've lost the last piece. Like writing a letter and forgetting to sign your name.

There is a mark that each of us has that makes us who we are. A mark that we leave traces of on those we interact with. A mark that is unique to every individual. A mark that cannot be seen or heard, but only felt when we are in the here and now with someone. A mark that we will remember when people are removed from our lives. It is the mark that fuels the formation of a memory. I can only hope that our perception of this mark will not fade over time. Although our minds may be clouded by noise, I can only hope that our souls may have the strength to separate the truth from the artifice.

Of Cats and Dogs

What have we done to our sisters and brothers? How could we let our pride get in the way of our innate drive to become one with humanity? We have turned the world, which was formerly representative of Eden, into a place where the dog eats the dog.

But tell me, when the dogs prey on the dogs what happens to the cats? Yes the cats who represent the formerly persecuted and hunted which were below the dogs in status and merit. As the dogs fight over the bones and flesh of their most recent capture, the cats lurk in the shadows observing silently. They look upon the discord and the ravaging that is raping the land and species. The cats begin gathering and quickly reproduce in great numbers now that they are no longer hunted. As the dogs’ numbers dwindle, the cats continue to grow in size and strength, readying themselves for when they can take the thrown that they previously had centuries ago. As the dogs ignorantly continue to fight over which pack is better or stronger, the cats prepare for the attack.

As the attack is launched the dogs fearfully clutch to their tribes and are quickly overtaken. They attempt to cling to the rest of their brethren, but the once strong unity and power is nothing but a memory. The cats have quickly shifted from the hunted to the hunters and the dogs are their prey. The dogs howl pleas of mercy and aid, but their howls go unanswered. The cats fail to recognize that all though their language and culture is different, the howls that they utter are the same. After being pushed to near extinction by the dogs, the cats saw their chance for revenge and survival and they took it. These felines were clever and cunning in ways that were developed by their ancestors as a result of being oppressed. As they now take the reins and have ultimate control over the dogs, the cunning and cleverness will drift from the felines into the oppressed canines and will continue the cycle of oppressor and oppressed. So who is in the right within this story?

Neither is right and neither is wrong. They are just pawns in a cycle driven by the hunger for power and innate impulse for survival. The question is not who is right, but how can we fix this cycle? How can we turn our brothers and sisters from the tempest of power? How can we turn our friends away from striving for separateness and toward the unity that burns within us all? Is it too late, or is that what those in power would like us to believe? Perhaps the few felines and canines who can see beyond our few differences to the divine presence that exists in us all can convince one person at a time to lay down their arms. This may seem small, but as the word spreads, one person will become the masses. The dawning of a new era is upon us, one that escapes the strife that has plagued us for several millennia and will arrive at a place where the peace and love of Eden is revisited and recreated.

Some may call me an idealist or a dreamer, but those are only the people who do not want to see change or do not believe that it could occur. It can occur and will, we should not have to wait until we reach the heavens to finally rest in peace. We were born with the drive towards the peace that lies within, all we have to do is recognize and live this peace. Let us come to truly know humanity as it was originally intended. Let us move away from the fighting and the strife. Let us arrive at a place where we are no longer plagued by quarrels of cats and dogs.

Drifting Moments

As I move along in this life, I hope to become more in touch with my spiritual side each and every moment. I say each moment because this moment, right this very instant is my entire life. I cannot create a better past for myself, so I will not to dwell on it. Also, if I use this present moment to focus on the future and all the plans I want to make, I will lose track of my life as these plans either play out or are dissolved. There is little certainty in this life, but we do tend to believe that our hopes and wishes will bring a more concrete certainty. I can’t waste the present dreading or looking forward to the future, I need to make the present an adventure that will differentiate itself from the rest of my past when it passes as all moments do.

So here I am, attempting to live in the moment, because the moment is all I have to live. On my mind at this moment is the thought that will quell my worries and calm the storm inside my soul. I hope to make this statement one I live by. I also will recognize that others may be living by this belief as well and as a result I will let go of the jealousy, anger, and depressive thoughts that previously frequented my mind.

I will arrive at the belief that the person with whom I am interacting is, at that moment, the most important person in my life. This label is fluid as my day progresses, because to reserve the label of importance for one person is to negate the other 6 billion people on this planet. Nothing can take me away from the cherished time that I have with that person. Time is short and an opportunity like this may present itself everyday or never again, we can never be sure. This is a unique opportunity to know God through interaction with others. No interaction is the same, because no person is the same. But for all of our differences, the fact remains that we were created in God’s image and we all have that mark upon our souls. I seek to see and learn more about that mark within others as well as within myself. When putting no specialness or favorite label upon myself or others, I will be able to see people as the manifestations of the divine that they were created to be. Help me see this good and equality in others, as well as finding it in myself. You have been holding me and carrying me for my entire life. Now is the time that I stand upon my shaky legs and do your service with you as my guide. Help me cherish this realization as the trials and tribulations become almost too much to handle. Help me become all I was created to be.

To go with the drift of things,

To yield with a grace to reason,

To bow and accept the end

Of a love or of a season.

-Robert Frost

Quick Random Meditative Thoughts...

Fulfillment can be reached when we learn to love everyone and everything that is encompassed by the spirit. If we treat everything as the manifestation of the spirit that it is, our eyes will be truly opened to the importance of compassion in the world today. The spirit resides in all of us and transcends all of us. It goes beyond all of the individual differences in personality, belief, culture, dogma, while at the same time, including these differences. Once spirit is reflected on in this manner, it makes life simpler to attain answers to. Though, as with most answers, they do lead to more and more unanswered questions. However, this answer is unique in the fact that it can serve as a guideline and a launch pad to delve into deeper and more complex questions. When the realization of the all encompassing nature of spirit occurs, it brings a lot of thoughts to the surface that seem so simple, yet were previously never realized before.

For example, this realization has shown me the reasons behind why we feel bad when jealousy, suspicion, control, anger, and distrust overtake our minds and actions. Why are these emotions collectively viewed as negative emotions? I believe that it is because they put intense strain on both the spirit within us as well as the spirit in the victims of our expression. If we learn to treat others with the love that we would direct toward God, then we would be able to look at these emotions without judging them. Experiences or thoughts without emotion attached to them are quickly forgotten or tucked away in a rarely used portion of the mind. So, if we learn to treat each other as the true manifestations of God, Spirit, Divine, Soul, or whatever you choose to label it as, then these maladaptive patterns we have fallen into in the social realm will dissipate.

Also when in times of depression and loneliness, remember this ancient truth: “When you seek happiness for yourself, it will always elude you. When you seek happiness for others, you will find it yourself."

In this world, it seems like losing touch with the innocence that we had in our youth is not viewed as unfortunate, but instead it is expected. However, it seems to me that adulthood is nothing more than the most well thought out game of pretend of our lives. Never lose sight of your youth, because that is one game of hide and seek that may not end as easily as when your mom would call you in from the dark... so keep those eyes on the horizon.

Receive healing, strengthen peace on our planet.

Flickering Candle

As I said in my previous post, my spiritual journey hit a wall that I now recognize as modernist thinking and halted me for quite some time. However, after finishing a book given to me by my sister which was titled, “A Brief History of Everything” by Ken Wilber, I have realized that this wall was not blocking my way, but instead, tempting me to climb. One of the main flaws in modernity is that it left spirit out of the rationalization and reasoning that it engulfed the world in from the Enlightenment period and beyond. That being said, I believe that modernity has helped me move beyond the religion and blind faith that I had as a child and an adolescent. It helped push me to defend the beliefs that I have been raised in all of my life. I was very surprised to find that despite my strong beliefs in religion and my faith, I was unable to defend any of this with real reasoning. This realization sent me into a downward spiral of a loss of faith and my reason became the hammer and my faith became the structure that I began knocking down with increased dedication. This state of confusion and pain with regards to spirituality really stuck with me for many years, always lurking under my confident surface. However, I do believe that now I am at a better state with my spirituality, but I recognize that the scars and confusion remain from those troubled times of my faith.

With the help of Ken Wilber’s phenomenal reasoning and documentation of history’s collective and individual faith journeys, I was able to see that my spiritual predicament was one that is all too familiar in the world today. It may seem semi-obvious to some, but I was approaching spirituality from a very external and objective standpoint and disallowing it to enter inside of me as a person and the community as a whole. Wilber stated that this is very common within both the modern and postmodern movements and used a metaphor that really solidified things for me. Through the use of my approach to spirituality, I was just like a researcher who analyzes brains. Say, just for the sake of it, I was examining your brain and over the years I became an expert on every centimeter of your gray matter and was able to measure every blurb on an EEG from your brainwaves. Although all that I learned was true, it was not the whole picture, because no matter how much of an expert that I was on your brain as an object, I would never know what you were thinking, until I talked to you. Wow, that metaphor hit me like a ton of bricks. Just describing religion and spirituality isn’t enough, I have to experience it. Until I allowed for a communicative and personal approach to spirituality, the objectivity left me feeling empty and hopeless. Which, if I do say so myself, is pretty representative of my religion blog from March.

At the end of the blog I made it clear that I could not just give up all of the information that I had gleaned from my reasoning and rationality. In a way I was fighting the same battle that post modernity was fighting when it realized that modernity left it with nothing but an empty shell in a world that it had fully reasoned and rationalized out, but never truly understood. I still retain the same stance that I will not try to revert my thinking back, nor should I, because that would not work at all. I would truly get nowhere near the bliss that I used to have, because I would always know that my mind and soul had already moved beyond this clear cut faith of my childhood.

So this is where I was a few short weeks ago when school let out. Even after all of the soul searching I had done with one of my very close friends, a true soul brother, I had still not found what I was looking for. Even now, I still have not found a place where I would like to reside in my faith. Rather, I seem to have found the path that was previously overgrown and covered by ivy, shielded from view, that strays from the path that I was on. The road less traveled, to use a term from Robert Frost. I say that my faith journey is a separate path, but it does not mean that I am abandoning the other paths that I have walked in life. Instead, I have a new path that is still made of the same dirt foundation as before, surrounded by the same beautiful nature. In this way I have transcended and included the previous faith paths to create one that is both different and the same from my previous ways of thinking.

Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Rastafarianism, Hinduism, and many of the other mainstream faith paths teach that there is a path that we must walk in life to move up the spiritual ladder. Of course, at the top of this ladder is some divine form or forms who is pure spirit that is without all of the earthly temptations and connections. Once one is in touch with this divine form, all will be well with yourself and basically the world. In one way or another, these religions are striving after similar, but not identical, objectives. The one main problem that is seen with this is that they often teach us to follow the path to the top. But once we get to a high level, we are instructed to look back at our journey and the levels it took us to get there and reject it all. By reject, I mean that we are taught to look at the temptations and earthly joys that we had when we were at lower levels with disdain. And if someone tries to get you to let go and experience these desires then they are to be rejected too because they are not at the same level, or they don’t have the same relationship with the divine as you do.

I believe that this rejection of life on earth in favor of a perfect life in the heavens is not only foolish, but misguided. I feel that by rejecting the earth in our path towards the divine, we are missing the point. We should not only rise above these desires, but also include them into our faith. We should look at the entire picture, rather than just looking at a portion of it. This is where I believe modernity had its strength and rationalization through science accomplished a great deal. However, science was the savior, or so it seemed, but the rejection of the spiritual became its downfall.

Science and rationalization are basically in the opposite direction of the faiths that I mentioned above. Instead of traveling up the spiritual path to reach the top, science breaks down the path to its basics. In the process science and modernity have moved from higher levels and descended to lower ones, only to reject that the higher levels exist at all. In other words, they reject anything that they cannot describe and see with their eyes or microscopes. If you want a clear example of this, I suggest you read the previous blog about the doubts concerning Christianity I wrote about. In hindsight I realize that I rationalized many portions of the ascending faith only to internally reject those things that I was not able to see or grasp with my reason. To use a biblical term, I was being a doubting Thomas.

So now I was lost. I had moved from a purely ascending spiritual pathway to a purely descending spirituality. When I finally took a step back, I realized that neither really fit with me. Neither gave me the answers and confidence that I was looking for. I began to fear that I would be stuck on the fence until my will finally caved to one side or the other and then I would begin rejecting either the ascent or descent that I had made. I had this fear, until of course, I began delving more into Wilber’s book. Of course I haven’t let this book change my entire outlook on life, because I am not so naïve to think that one person can have all of the answers. But he did something that really altered the way I look towards spirituality. He didn’t choose one path and begin rejecting another. He didn’t even accept both in all of their greatness (and lack thereof). Instead, he began to balance both pathways, combining the truth within them, while leaving behind the finer details that had been misinterpreted in order to make one pathway appear more appealing than another.

This idea of balancing the two, clicked with me in a way that neither of the pathways on their own was able to. Instead of only worshiping the God of the heavens, while rejecting all of this earthly life, or worshipping only the beauty and physical materials that surround us and rejecting the God of the heavens, we do something different. Wilber refers to the God of the heavens AND the Goddess of the Earth, as Spirit. Instead of being separate entities, competing for the spot in our hearts, they are one and the same. That which we recognize as God is the one spirit that has no beginning and no end, which exists in all of us. It is what you truly are, not a body, or a mind or a soul; it is your entity that is truly you and truly me. That may seem a bit far out, but it is the spirit as a whole. However, this is not the only manifestation of spirit; it is present in everything on this earth. Every single pebble, dirt, animal, human, tree…everything. Everything has some level of consciousness, but not since the human mind have we been able to move far enough away from instinct to be able to consciously reflect on spirit.

This Spirit is far too large to be confined into one pathway. It is both One and Many, Personal and Transpersonal, Form and Emptiness. So in a way my newly formed spirituality is Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, Jainist, Rasta, Hindu; both Western and Eastern traditions. It is all these religious traditions without the rules put in place to condemn the descending path and other traditions which seek similar but not identical goals. My spirituality also includes the ideas that the spirit infiltrates and is represented in modernity, post modernity, Marxist, Freudian, Jungian, and Nietzsche realism that are philosophical ways of approaching the world in the past few centuries. I include these ways of thinking and approaching various forms of the spirit, and I transcend them in a way that brings them under a central description of Spirit in all of its forms.

So I believe that with this ability, we also have gained immense responsibility to take care of all of the manifestations of spirit. We need to take care of this Earth, from the One in all of us, to the Many manifestations of that spirit in the world today.

I do not claim to have all the answers or even be close to fulfilling this spiritual faith journey, but the connection between both sides of my quarrelling soul has been made. In fact, I am only just beginning this new (and old) type of spiritual journey and I am excited to see where it will progress to. There will always be questions, but now I feel more prepared to face these questions and find the proper balance in the way that I live my life.

I would like to close with a quote from Ken Wilber: “We want to include the liberating movement of wisdom that takes us from body to mind to soul to spirit, but also the incarnational movement of compassion and healing that brings soul and spirit down and into body, earth, life and relationships – both God and Goddess equally honored.”

A New Bloggining, I Hope

I have been struggling within the past few months to write a blog that would shed light on where I am within my spiritual journey since the last pessimistic, and dare I say, modernistic, blog. As I have reread the last blog many times, I often thought of what type of taste I left in the mouth of not only myself, but the very few readers I do have. How many of the fair few was I able to push away with my pessimism, and what type of blog would I have to write to gain them back? But then I realized my whole point of writing a blog was not really for others, but ultimately to put my thoughts down and create a kind of time line of my journey through this life. That being said, the dedication that I have put into this blog to document my life in the past few months resembles the amount of dedication I had when I was required to document my eating habits for a health course in high school. So with this realization in mind, perhaps this may be a turning point in my documentation…or I will acknowledge that it could be just another false start. So we shall see. Believe me when I say, I as unsure as you are, how much dedication I will put forth in the future. So until next time, (which I hope will be soon), enjoy every breath that you have on this earth, because we never know how sweet this one will be compared to those of the future.

May peace enter into your soul and reside there even when the world tries to tear it from you.

Doubts.

Turmoil. My spiritual life is in turmoil. After being raised in the Catholic faith for my entire life, I have none of the faith that my family, friends, or acquaintances have. I have doubts about almost every aspect of the pile of dust in which my faith resides. Gone is the love for Christ that once danced in my heart. Gone is the innocence I had as a child. Gone is the time where faith made sense to me. Gone is the certainty of what would happen when I die. Gone is faith security. When did I lose my way?

I suppose that most of my questions begin at God. However, I'd like to warn whoever reads this that the blog is all over the place. Just as my faith is in turmoil, this writing will reproduce that. I wouldn't have it any other way though...So here it goes:

I don't deny that there is a higher power of some sort, but I'm not quick to believe that Christianity is the best or right one. Christians say that God works through the fallen to do his will and transfer his message. If this is true, how do we know which of the fallen are truly from God? We don't, and I think that is essential. In order to truly accept that some people have a divine message, we need to accept that there is truth in the other people who may have beliefs different from our own. This enlightenment within people has to be coming from somewhere, but where that is, of course I am not sure.

I feel as if I know that God exists, but I don't know how I know this. But he/she is not the God that I knew as a child, he/she is more loving and understanding than the "damn you to hell if you don't repent" God I grew up with.

Are we here for God, or is God here for us? How can we be involved in a relationship that we were born into, only to be taught about it by our peers who never get the full truth out. Do we truly know what faith is right when religion is in most cases, geographic? If I was born in the Middle East, wouldn't I be a devout Muslim? Or if I was born in a Native American tribe, would I be worshiping along with the ancient tradition?

I understand the concept of sin. Sin, as I understand it, is when I knowingly do poor moral actions. But how can the ultimate punishment be hell, if these morals are taught with many inconsistencies. Someone may believe that it is not morally sound to kill someone because it is stated within the Ten Commandments. However, others of the same religion may believe that it is morally sound if it is an eye for an eye, because the bible follows this commandment with a long explanation of the exception to the rule. Still others may believe that there is a right to kill if it is in the act of preserving the safety of less threatening individuals. So, what exactly is the right interpretation?

If it is one interpretation over another, then those that believe in the other interpretations would be flawed. They wouldn't believe in the truth that has been deemed as accurate by some, so they would be punished for acting in accordance with the beliefs that they were raised in. This is just one belief in religion that is collective with millions of other beliefs. So, if this one point is open to interpretation, then who holds the entire or even the majority of truth. Besides God himself, who has the right to judge what is right and what is wrong? Not a priest, a rabbi, a pastor, a pope, or any religious leader. Why can't we remember that we should not judge those who we do not agree with, but allow God to do the judging?

I understand that God has a plan for each of his children and we all have no clue what that may be. But, why is there all of this discord between and within the religions of the world? How can we say that some are correct and others do not believe in the right religion? Who is the true judge of what the right religion is? Is it the holy leaders, the history scholars, the theologians? Have all of the true judges been absent for more than a millennium? Shouldn't the only one to judge who is right and wrong, be the one who has the truth? That is, the divine?

According to the Christian teaching, Christ and God's love is unconditional. Nothing you can do can make them love you less. Following this example may be a goal that we share. I don't want to just like or love someone or see the good in someone when they are being pleasant to me. I want to see the good in them when their loyalties to me are nonexistent and they are cursing me out and stabbing me in the back. I just want to love. I want to be able to keep my peace of mind and always see the best in people without and restrictions on that love. I don't want my feelings for people to be dependent on how I perceive they are treating me. More often than not, my perceptions of how people are treating me, if negative, are far exaggerated from what was actually intended.

However, I feel that a lot of religions seek to control, to will their followers into following a set moral code. I really wish that people could just live and be nice to people, not because they are going to get in trouble or pay an ultimate consequence. But because it is the right thing to do, the right way to treat people. As you may be able to tell, I am having problems believing in many parts of any type of religion. I want to believe in faith as a whole, but I'm afraid I don't know how. I'm losing, but I haven't lost it all yet.

I want the readers to know, I say none of this attacking your belief system or any others personally. I just feel that I have so many questions, that I can't fathom abandoning all this rational reason, without some sort of explanation. I've reached for answers before, only to be let down. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not dead scared of what will happen once my time is up.

I will close with a question that may have started it all:

If we are supposed to live as God lives, wasn't he setting us up for failure because no one is perfect? I understand that people say you must get close, but how do you know when you are close enough?

Veering Left

I wrote this starting as advice given to a good friend of mine. But then I reread it and found that it applies to more situations that maybe I meant it to. So I've altered it slightly, but this came out pretty fast. It is both broad and specific in areas, maybe it will apply to your life, maybe it won't. But if it reaches one person, I suppose then it serves its purpose. Hope it is a good intro to a new start of writing frequently in this blog:

It sounds like you feel as if you have no handle on what is going on in your life. However, you are analyzing your life and how you fit within it by making arguments both ways, and it truly seems like you have a better handle on this then most do.

You are feeling both content and discontent. Stable and Instable. Satisfied and undoubtedly craving more. In other words, you are getting an influx of contrasting emotions, which I suppose is part of the human experience. But just remember, that even with all of this confusion that you are feeling, you have to know that you need both sides of the issue to really appreciate how you feel on the issue. You need the sour if you ever are going to truly appreciate the sweet.

It seems like people often come out and state things in order to make things clear to themselves, as well as to you. It may seem like they have a better handle on what they feel, but you never know what the truth is for either party involved, until people are truly honest with each other. And as Billy Joel says, "Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue." Although he states this, it is actually a matter of observation, which is actually really depressing. Why has being honest grown vintage. Why are lies often more preferable to the truth? Why can't we just tell the truth, no matter the cost? The cost is never as draining or hurtful as we usually expect it to be. And in the end, we feel better when we are completely honest with our feelings, rather than covering it up with white lies.

This is a sideline, but what is a white lie anyway? What distinguishes it from a black lie? Is there certain criteria that a lie has to meet in order to be labeled with a color? And don't white lies always lead to more lies? Again, honesty, but I digress.

You never know what is going on in the minds of others, but chances are if you are confused, your confusion is not unwarranted. Confusion breeds from confusion. You never will truly know why people act the way they do, and then again, you may never truly want to know. But we will see where and how this develops. So for now all you can really do is just vibe. just cherish the fact that you do have confusion. But do not dwell upon it. Worrying will get you nowhere in the end. Thinking helps, but only to a certain extent. You never know if you will remain friends for now, in order to build a foundation for a stronger friendship or something beyond in the future.

The future is relative, it really isn't that far away. Perhaps life is always a bit confusing, but you can't tear your hair out over it. You have every right to want as much from people as they are taking from you in ways that they may or may not realize. We always want reciprocity. Don't beat yourself up over desiring one of the main drives that we all experience. No one likes to feel slighted. No one wants to love anyone more than they love them. But our minds convince us that this happens quite a bit more often than it actually does.

Just breathe. Just let it be.

Don't worry about a thing, because everything is going to be alright and will work out in the end.

Just breathe.

Living High, Living Mighty, Living Righteously.

As I've been shoveling and walking outside in this winter weather that I have grown accustomed to over the past few weeks, I noticed something. It's nothing enlightening, or deep. Just the fact that when you find a patch of ice in your path, and you catch yourself from a complete wipe out, your body does a little dance.

The next time you see someone slip, although it is always quick and often times funny, try and watch their dance. We will do anything to stop ourselves from falling, just as a result of instinctive reflexes. But when you slow the corrective movements, you will see what I mean. The feet go in all different directions, the hands flail around, the hips rotate, and the neck moves from side to side. Everyone has a different dance, no two people have the same reaction and reflex time. It is something very specific and unique to each person, based upon past environmental experiences as well as inherent biological factors. I've come to realize that ice is one of life's little reminders of the importance of dancing, and on a larger scale, soul expression.

Let me ask you this: How often do you take a step back from your daily routines, the busyness that we allow ourselves to succumb to; to do something that will further the nurturing of your soul? I do not claim to be an expert on the topic of nurturing the soul, but from personal experience I find that I do little things each day to help me find my focus or clarity, I am in a better mood and the lenses that I view the world through tend to fall away to a certain degree.

The little things that nurture the soul are specific and unique to each person. They include anything from simple repetitive tasks (doing the dishes, washing windows, sewing, etc), to artistic expression (drawing, playing music, painting, dancing, scrap booking, singing, etc), to things that further your connection with yourself as well as faith of some sort, (praying, meditation, reading), and anything else that helps you relax and get in touch with your self and those who surround you everyday.

When was the last time you did things like this, to just let yourself be and free yourself from the manacles that tend to bind you to your responsibilities and the daily stresses that are often a result of our own thoughts. When was the last time you took a good, deep, refreshing breath? We breath all day, and it is usually unconscious unless you focus on it. But have you ever noticed how good one deep breath into your lungs feels? Once you realize it, you tend to continue breathing deeply and find how relaxed it can make you. When I take the time to breath deeply and meditate, it allows me to come to terms with what things have taken priority over others, and whether or not they should have. It allows me to break away from the self-centered way of thinking that our society today preaches. It furthers the connection I have with people and allows me to be empathetic instead of apathetic, selfless rather than selfish.

I don't do this as often as I should. I wish I did it often enough to make it a habitual, daily (but not routine) practice. If everyone took time out to consider why people act the way they do, what could be motivating them, or what could be troubling them, then what a far cry the world would be from the one we live in today. In other words, if everyone cared for the gifts that are received when interacting with other people and by realizing the importance of recognizing the emotions that are beyond our own selves, perhaps we could get closer to peace and further from strife and conflict.

We pour all of our money, time, and efforts into furthering our outer appearances, our social status, and basically just trying to fit into the prescribed way of life that society tells us that we need to fit in. Instead of focusing on the important things that will further us on our individual journeys, we tend to fall into distorted lives that are not truly reflective of who we actually are. Be true to yourself and your feelings or you will burn yourself out trying to complete the simplest tasks of living. Once you are burned out, it is harder to get the spark that will light you up again and it will leave your soul extinguished for when more difficult tasks present themselves.

The only one who can care for your soul and be aware when things go awry is yourself. So try your best to be yourself. That is all that anyone can ask of you. Those who accept the true you are the ones you truly need and those that don't aren't worth bothering with.

Peace. Love. Hope. Faith.

You Never Know

Seize the day, put no trust in tomorrow.

- Horace

I was surfing the Internet a few weeks ago and I found this quote. It immediately struck a chord with me so I copied it down. It is not an entirely original phrase, because when it is boiled down to the raw ideas that motivate the phrase, it tells us of the sacredness as well as the briefness of life itself. I believe that this idea has been floating around since life itself started, and the reality set in of how limited of a time we have on this earth.

This past year has been quite an eyeopening time for me, as I have started to practice introspection quite a bit. I have learned so much about myself and discovered areas of my personality and self that I never brought to light before. From this I have found that I have been pretty careless with my time in the past 19 years of life. I have spent a lot of time being anxious, being sad, taking foolish risks that could have had a detrimental effect on my health. I basically took every day as if it was owed to me and if I wanted to waste it away being sad and angry at the world, so be it. This realization has hit me hard again and again, like running at a wall and getting up and hitting it head on again. As I have come to realize that I continually fall into the same pattern, I do feel that this realization has allowed me to try and veer from the pattern slightly, bit by bit.

So thoughts have been running crazy through my head since I have realized that I have been living in a habituated pattern of anguish and sadness for many of my days. I have begun to turn my life around, trying to live more freely from the self-induced confines that I have put myself under. So the point of my writing is to establish a written record of the beginning of a new phase in my life. Hopefully I can stick with it. I believe I can, because if I falter I know that I have a strong support system of people who will encourage me to keep at it. And for that, I am thankful.

Everyday should be a good day to die. Every minute should be spent sparingly, never taken for granted. Live in the moment because the present is the only thing that is really certain. The future is relative. Today is yesterday's tomorrow, yesterday's future. If you spend your time planning or worrying about the future, you miss what is happening now. This very second. Not to say that planning or worrying don't have their place, but when they overtake your life to the degree that you lose your days, you need to take a step back and try to reevaluate.

If you died at the end of the year, the month, tomorrow or in the next breath, would you have regrets about how you lived your life? I'm trying to live without too many regrets, worrying about worthless things. I need to let the chips fall where they may, leave the myth of perfection alone, and see it for what it is, an unattainable, yet unwanted goal. I should let my imperfections and mistakes that I make, not define me, but help build me into a better person.

Strive for peace of mind, body, and soul because you never know...